"How did I find myself here? Why did I even compromise?" I asked myself these questions more than once as I layed in the bed, leg propped and in pain. I had not one but two fractured bones and a torn ligament at the ankle of my stronger leg, good thing it was my strong leg. I had only called it that because I'm more right handed and legged than left. I guess my left side proved to carry the weight in the time of need. Back to my questions though. "What was I thinking working a job in juvenile detention at a jail disguised as a Youth Rehabilitation Center? I mean, was it really my fault considering they came to my school (Bowie State University - Gooooo Bulldogs) and recruited those of us upper classmen (and women) in the social sciences? I guess it was my fault for staying after I realized it was a trick to bag me (also known as a trick bag) enough to check out the place." Even then when I visited it didn't seem like a JAIL and my title was to be a Youth Rehabilitation Representative. It sounded pretty good to me considering I was majoring in Psychology and they were willing to pay me a nice amount of money considering I had just enough experience and had not completed my degree. All I could lay there and think was, I should have known better when I brought my educated self into an environment that promoted the opposite from their policies down to other employees. I Should have known that I was in the wrong place when the only thing the juveniles would obey were curse words. I should have known my new co-workers would try me since not only was I educated and well-spoken (to them) but I had been offered a lead position. ENOUGH!...I can't even go on to tell you all this whole story...I need to get to the good part because all that is sooo depressing. Other than listening to what I knew in my heart I should have also watched my words. I don't know if you know but *in my singing voice as I pause to dance* "I've got the power, everybody dance now! (C&C Music Factory)". Sorry if that's too old school for you. But really, I've got power and so do you in what you say and in what you think. I broke my ankle on that J-O-B preventing a youth from attacking another, again. We wont talk about how they shouldn't been in the same environment to fight AGAIN or how my supervisor didn't relieve me off the unit after injury because that's not the point. Before I had the life changing injury I kept saying, God I need a break! The JOB had been wearing me spiritually, mentally, and finally physically. Imagine that...God I need a break. No matter what or who you believe in I still believe there is power in what you speak.
See the point of the picture here is...well I should say there are several. I like to think of these individual points as a third that brings you the whole picture. For my photographers, yup I'm mimicking the rule of thirds. What did I learn? One-third is that you know in your heart and even your head how you feel about things. Trust your instinct. If you allow other factors to play a bigger role in your happiness it could cause more danger than help. Two-thirds of the picture is that you might delay getting where you are meant to be. That place is where you want to be and where you need to be. If you don't listen to yourself and go with what you know then how do you expect to develop the bigger picture, your life?! Sometimes we settle because settling is easy. The things we really want we put in the time to get, and in the end we have it forever making it worth the wait. I didn't really want to be at that JOB but it was there. In some ways it seemed like easy money, but the only thing I got out of it was an injury that I will feel forever. Back to the darkroom I went to attempt to develop a better picture and path. Get the picture?
With a brand new house that was finished 10 days after my injury, worker's compensation that took 6 months to kick in, a delay in finishing my degree, I sat in the darkroom and cried to myself before I began to develop again. Don't worry, I did develop, there is more to come. For now, welcome to my first emotionally nude photo. And yes, I love what I do so much, I sometimes snap if I cry... it makes me feel better. And who doesn't need a good cry sometimes?
