The picture I got with Dr. Maya Angelou

I know what you're thinking...It's been forever since I've blogged. You may have forgotten about me. If you did forget I'm sure I deserve it but I'll have to explain that whole deal later. This story is way better than the damaged hard drive situation that temporarily traumatized my life. For now I'll have to skip the sob story and cut straight to the amazing experience that has motivated me to get back in the game and share my life through the lens!

One of my favorite types of photography is press photography but know that I absolutely haaaate the term paparazzi because of its negative connotation. It's very rare that you'll see me chasing down a celebrity or waiting outside of some crazy location, unless it's for our First Lady, Mrs. Obama. Can you blame me?

I will note that the ladies handling the media list approached me to ask if I was coming in to the Olive Garden restaurant to capture their support of the First Lady's Let's Move! initiative. I looked the part. Although it was quite tempting I immediately referenced the Salahis' party crashing stunt and decided it did not qualify for the "fake it 'til I make it" list. With all the camera phones, of some fine, but aggressive, seniors blocking me this was as close to good as I got.

I'm sure we all have at least one person or a few who we'd play paparazzi to. Outside of those few I have, I would rather photograph individuals who are accomplished from doing what they love. Specifically, I love to photograph people who are contributing to a good cause and influencing progress and change in the world. In the short time I have been shooting, I have had wonderful opportunities to photograph some amazing events and people (who often happen to be celebrities and public figures).  Among those inspiring events I've photographed is the 15th Annual Fundraiser for the See Forever Foundation/Maya Angelou Schools that was held on May 3rd of this year. The organization helps at-risk students accomplish academic and life-long success through their schools and work place development program. Ironically, one of the schools is located inside a facility of the agency that pushed me away and into my place in photography. I know they say all things are connected but it still wows me when dots connect to former places, people, and things.

Along with the great cause, I couldn't resist a lineup that included succeeding children, Maya Angelou herself, Common, Kindred The Family Soul, Free *wink*, Michelle Wright, and many more! When I agreed to shoot the event I knew it would be great but I had no idea what I was in for. Let me give you my dreamy Pisces version of what happened.

Unlike most of my press events, my journalist partner was unable to make the event in time for the VIP reception and press interview.  As usual, I planned to create photographs as my version of journalism. After waiting in a separate room where VIP's were sent to us (Press), we were taken to the VIP room  for the moment we all were waiting for.  After we set up, security escorted Dr. Maya Angelou out to us for photographs and interviews.  She was wheeled out in a wheelchair but that did not take away from the strength of her presence.  A presence that was so strong, it gave me a feeling of excitement and nervousness at once but I knew to try my best to be natural (referencing how not to be a groupie while working 101).  I noted the gentleman who escorted her out left her side and she was trying to get his attention.  I asked her if she needed something because when Maya Angelou speaks you notice and listen!  She signaled yes and requested the microphone so that she could silence the room.  Stubbornly the tiny thing would not detach from the podium.  She then instructed (because she's Maya Angelou she instructs) me to silence the room.  I asked everyone to "cut the noise for a second", at which point she interjected and said "No not for a second".  I thought, "How silly of me to not say exactly what I mean in front of Dr. Angelou", but immediately corrected myself and asked for silence during the interviews.  Whoa, did I just "open" the floor for Maya Angelou (her name to myself for the 50th time)?! I'm sure no one else took it in to be as deep as I did but hey, to each their own experience. lol.  

Still stuck in time and glowing on the inside at the "introduction", I totally missed her quote of Napoleon which she referenced to express her view on the importance of being very attentive to the press. That was the first time I had ever experienced anyone held to high esteem acknowledge and show such due respect to media.  After, she stated she would take photographs and answer questions. The room fell silent and still.  In that instant I found myself announcing that we should first take photographs and then allow interviewers to ask questions so our flashes didn't pickup on film.  I have no idea where my right to use the conductor's baton came from except for the fact that we could not have the poet of all poets just sitting there looking at us and we at her.  As we snapped photographs of her I said, "Dr. Angelou you look beautiful" and in return, she offered a smile that triggered many flashes in the room.  I guess what is innate never dies even if it sinks below the surface for some time. Apparently I was on a roll! :-)

A friend and journalist Shedonna, ironically similar in name, jumped right in with the first question that initiated the interviews. In my head I was doing a ton of self-talk! I was trying to figure out my next move. "What to say? What do you ask Maya Angelou? Just take the pictures. Maybe I should text and see how close Charlee (the journalist) is? No, that's not even realistic and you knew she wouldn't make it. OMG, I can't let this moment pass by. Ok...I'll let the next person go and then I'll go. Wait, what am I asking again?!" With all the self-talk I was driving myself crazy! I made myself pause for a few seconds (literally this time). Then, voila! I thought, "Maya Angelou...a poet?! I mean the woman is a poet! Wow, the power of a poet!" What happened next? I thought you'd never ask! Through my disclaimer, shaky camera, and the once again noisy room I did it! Check it out...

After I asked my question Dr. Angelou agreed to photographs with a handful of people. I was among the fortunate. I leaned beside her to take the photograph and immediately she told me to "Standup straight!" She said it again in the stern but loving voice of a grandmother. "Standup! Lean on and bow to no one!" I received that wisdom, replied "Amen", and did as told with a smile. We’ll maybe not a smile, an attempted smize. It’s what the multi-talented Supermodel Tyra Banks calls smiling with your eyes.

Initially I had been proud and excited to stand next to Dr. Angelou but against that pride she profoundly demanded that I stand on and be excited by my own merit, so to speak. She demanded that I be as great as I am by standing to my highest potential, owning who I am and the power of my own presence.  In that moment [black] history, as I saw her, directly impacted me and demanded I not be relevant by association.  It demanded I be relevant because I am me. In our photograph we are both beings. Existing with dignity, esteem, confidence, and respect: a photographer and a poet.  

Needless to say, on that day I got the picture!

No really, I'm up against the wall! I ain't nothing but a lost boi?

One plate and about six screws later I was starting the healing process. With all the constant swelling and therapy I was still off from work. No time for crying though, I've got to make the most of this "downtime" that was apparent to me as developing time. I received confirmation of this from the older lady running the cashier at the Wawa. I had once called her out as an old school lesbian and while I'm not sure if that was true, I did learn that she was a minister. She was convinced that I was injured in order to be still and encouraged I take advantage of the time to find my purpose. It was ironic considering my partner and I were having the topic as a constant in our conversations. For clarity, my partner is my unwed female mate (this is where I'm outting myself as a lesbian). We aren't unwed on purpose, we just decided on a contract in a neighboring state right before our home, Washington, DC supported marriage equality. In case you are wondering, yup, my gaydar is pretty strong too, hence my ability to call out people on the home team. Of course for accuracy I have to keep it calibrated. Anyway, enough of my pisces ways and back to the topic. Where am I supposed to go and develop? What am I supposed to be doing? Who should I be molding into now that I have be guided to a space for just me, my creator, and occasionally percocets. Wayne Dyer, Steven Covey, and Rhonda Byre all had visitor passes valid whenever I wasn't sleeping, moping, hoping on one foot and a crutch because two was too much, and dreading convos with my hundredth new case manager. That period was so stressful that it made me experience the thin of my relationship. It took 3 months to ditch the crutches and I partied for my birthday in a boot! Once the boot came off I found myself trying to walk but my limp was meaner than that of a pimp, so appropriately I had to use a cane. All of this and I was still lost but then suddenly came the opportunity to mend an old friendship. Looking for meaning and purpose in life I thought, this is right on time. Soon after communicating again I received a random call from that old friend asking me if I'd like to be in a video. O_o Jaxx (the nickname my friends call me but it's not some lesbo, I want to be a man kinda thing.), the video Vixen???

B. Steady, a local DC artist and friend of my old friend needed a "dominant" female for an upcoming video with her two woman group, The Lost Bois. It turned out I would have to participate in a scene that had to be girlfriend approved. Surprisingly, we both thought it would be a cool opportunity after viewing some of their previous videos. Of course my honey hit the set with me (just like Robin Thicke's wife), and B. and I were both nervous during our Parental Guidance rated scene. After such a cool shoot I hung out with B., her sister, and some of their friends. Our conversation led to my ankle and worker's compensation questions, of her sister when she mentioned being a lawyer. After my rant about how I landed the job and my rave about how I hated it, B. asked me, if I could do anything what would it be? I hesitated on the answer. I thought about how I feel like my creative side was suppressed when I was growing up. I took a film photography class in high school but my parents didn't really support me and my interests then. I stopped myself before I went into another rant about my youth as an unsupported scholar who fell into a depression after realizing the realness of my situation. My answer to her question was photography. She said well "just do it". Of course I had an excuse because it's easy to own when you're down. I told her that cameras were expensive and that I would have to wait until I could afford one. Remember, worker's compensation had not compensated me for six months on a new mortgage. Thank goodness for other resources and not letting my well run dry. Interrupting my sad face and complaints B. walked away from me and into her room. She returned in a matter of minutes with a black bag and a digital camera for loan. Boy, was that moment the push I needed toward my passion?!

The picture: Well the only visual picture I have to share for this post is one of me in Puerto Rico using my pimp cane with my swollen metal ankle against the background of a handicap symbol painted on the sidewalk. It wasn't as exciting as I made it sound so I won't show it. Instead, I will share my first appearance in a music video as a thanks to B. Steady. As for mental pictures, I will keep it simple. When you don't know what to do, do something. I took the video offer I didn't know it would lead to bigger things. It just seemed fun and artsy as well as a way to support a unique local barrier breaking artist. Be honest about what you'd rather be doing and hang around people and environments where it's going down (not bad going down but where things are happening). Be patient and make a plan to just do it! You may not find a resource like B. who just had a camera around but you  can still plan and continue to do things in the direction or realm of your passion even if you can't do exactly what you want to do. I had to sign up for a video (where I think I look cheesy scenes). I didn't even realize it was related to the art in my heart. Have people around you who won't let your temporary complaints be long-term excuses! The last pieces to this picture is always say thank you! Even if the person does not know the magnitude of their deed those two words placed in the correct order can take you and the other person really far. It's the least you can do. :-)



Here's the link if you need it: http://youtu.be/0rXNwJ4-6Dg

I've Got the Power!!!!

"How did I find myself here? Why did I even compromise?" I asked myself these questions more than once as I layed in the bed, leg propped and in pain. I had not one but two fractured bones and a torn ligament at the ankle of my stronger leg, good thing it was my strong leg. I had only called it that because I'm more right handed and legged than left. I guess my left side proved to carry the weight in the time of need. Back to my questions though. "What was I thinking working a job in juvenile detention at a jail disguised as a Youth Rehabilitation Center? I mean, was it really my fault considering they came to my school (Bowie State University - Gooooo Bulldogs) and recruited those of us upper classmen (and women) in the social sciences? I guess it was my fault for staying after I realized it was a trick to bag me (also known as a trick bag) enough to check out the place." Even then when I visited it didn't seem like a JAIL and my title was to be a Youth Rehabilitation Representative. It sounded pretty good to me considering I was majoring in Psychology and they were willing to pay me a nice amount of money considering I had just enough experience and had not completed my degree. All I could lay there and think was, I should have known better when I brought my educated self into an environment that promoted the opposite from their policies down to other employees. I Should have known that I was in the wrong place when the only thing the juveniles would obey were curse words. I should have known my new co-workers would try me since not only was I educated and well-spoken (to them) but I had been offered a lead position. ENOUGH!...I can't even go on to tell you all this whole story...I need to get to the good part because all that is sooo depressing. Other than listening to what I knew in my heart I should have also watched my words. I don't know if you know but *in my singing voice as I pause to dance* "I've got the power, everybody dance now! (C&C Music Factory)". Sorry if that's too old school for you. But really, I've got power and so do you in what you say and in what you think. I broke my ankle on that J-O-B preventing a youth from attacking another, again. We wont talk about how they shouldn't been in the same environment to fight AGAIN or how my supervisor didn't relieve me off the unit after injury because that's not the point. Before I had the life changing injury I kept saying, God I need a break! The JOB had been wearing me spiritually, mentally, and finally physically. Imagine that...God I need a break. No matter what or who you believe in I still believe there is power in what you speak.

See the point of the picture here is...well I should say there are several. I like to think of these individual points as a third that brings you the whole picture. For my photographers, yup I'm mimicking the rule of thirds. What did I learn? One-third is that you know in your heart and even your head how you feel about things. Trust your instinct. If you allow other factors to play a bigger role in your happiness it could cause more danger than help. Two-thirds of the picture is that you might delay getting where you are meant to be. That place is where you want to be and where you need to be. If you don't listen to yourself and go with what you know then how do you expect to develop the bigger picture, your life?! Sometimes we settle because settling is easy. The things we really want we put in the time to get, and in the end we have it forever making it worth the wait. I didn't really want to be at that JOB but it was there. In some ways it seemed like easy money, but the only thing I got out of it was an injury that I will feel forever. Back to the darkroom I went to attempt to develop a better picture and path. Get the picture?


With a brand new house that was finished 10 days after my injury, worker's compensation that took 6 months to kick in, a delay in finishing my degree, I sat in the darkroom and cried to myself before I began to develop again. Don't worry, I did develop, there is more to come. For now, welcome to my first emotionally nude photo. And yes, I love what I do so much, I sometimes snap if I cry... it makes me feel better. And who doesn't need a good cry sometimes?